SO. You’re probably wondering where I’ve been for the last… oh gosh, wayyy too long. 

Well, its been quite an interesting couple of years, a lot of growth, a lot of learning. So I’ll start at the beginning, and explain how I went from simply (or not so simply) studying for my pilot’s license to studying for the LSAT. 

As I’ve eluded a few times in past blogs, I struggled while studying in Japan. There are a thousand excuses as to why I struggled so much, but in the end, that’s all they are: excuses. The real truth of the matter is I underestimated the effort and self-discipline it would take to not only earn a degree, but also live in a foreign country. And you know, being so young at the time was a factor. You think you’re so smart at 18-19 years old, only to find out you know absolutely nothing about the real world. Or at least, that was the case for me.

Anyway, I returned home with a degree but absolutely jaded and bitter about school, and myself. My self-esteem was incredibly low regarding my academic ability, and I came to the conclusion that I just don’t have the skill required to learn and study extensively (like I said, my self esteem was low). I poured myslf into working, and I enjoyed it. I briefly considered going to law school in 2021, and even took the LSAT (I didn’t really study or even try that hard). My inability to score well just confirmed to me that I just am not meant for academic achievement.

So I worked. And while working an opportunity came up to learn to fly airplanes. I had originally started learning when I was 14, and then had never really returned to it. So I decided to fulfill my childhood dream and apply myself to it. 

It was hard, way harder than I originally thought. I struggled to maintain motivation and I thought about quitting frequently. I was scared, not of the actual flying, but of being judged and tested regarding my ability. I put off the written aspect of my test for literally two years, until I couldn’t anymore. It came to either giving up right before the end or just gritting my teeth and doing what I needed to do. I was so relieved when I passed my written test. SO relieved. And then came the inevitable: the oral and practical test. The oral exam in particular (which is essentially a grueling interview with an examiner) was the scariest to me. I was originally scheduled to take the exam in March, but after a disastrous practice test, I realized I needed more time. More time to study and more time to build confidence. 

Thanks to one of the previous owners of my flight school, who so graciously sat with me on Zoom and went over every aspect of what to expect from the oral exam, and my flight instructor who constantly encouraged me to just go for it, I finally built up the confidence to take the test. I flew over to the Big Island shaking in my boots, but absolutely determined. I sat in the classroom, wide eyed and sweaty-palmed, doing my absolute best to remember things like the aerodynamics of flight, the forces that act on a plane, how a plane’s fuel system worked, and what to do if the plane suddenly lost its engine. And, to my own utter surprise, I passed the oral exam.

Then came the practical. I was SO sure I failed. I lost too much altitude while doing steep turns (but instantly corrected for it), fumbled my soft-field landing ( but did well on almost all my others), and overcorrected on another landing for the slight crosswind (I blame Kahului winds for this; I’m too used to landing with a horrible crosswind). But, as it turned out, things that I saw as massive, score-altering mistakes were actually just… fine. I got out of the plane, ready to thank the examiner for taking the time, thinking about when I could try again, when he shook my hand and said, “Smile, you passed.” And suddenly everything I had done for those two years finally felt like they meant something. I knew how hard I worked, and this just confirmed that if I really want to do something, I simply need to commit and persevere.

See, I have this terrible habit of taking my mistakes and blowing them up in my mind until they take over my thoughts and I am SO sure that everyone else can see what a failure I am. The reality is, though, that those thoughts are just lies. Lies that are meant to tear you to pieces and keep you right where you are. You can never move forward as long as you are too busy fighting off demons that keep dragging you back into your past. But growing pains are just growing pains, and you can’t succeed at everything, all the time. You can only try your best, every single day. That is what it means to persevere.

After I passed my pilot’s exam, I knew it was time to try for law school again. And so I did. I picked up my books, took practice exams, spent the better part of three months prepping, and took the LSAT. And I didn’t like my score. Instead of letting it stop me, though, like it did the first time, I simply practiced more and took it again. I didn’t like my score that time either, because I knew I could do better, but it was enough for me (and it was still a decent score, for what it’s worth).

When I was applying to law school, I knew there was only one school I was willing to go to, and that’s Hawai’i’s law school, William S. Richardson School of Law. Why? Well, for one, I’m from Hawai’i. And because I visited the school, and I loved the fact that the school uplifted its students’ achievements and encouraged a sense of community. That’s the Hawai’i I know and love, and I can’t imagine finding that anywhere else. So I applied. And miracle after miracle occurred, allowing me a direct path to go to school and start my academic journey again.

It has been a wild ride, and it certainly isn’t over (I’m currently on week three of law school and all the stories they tell about it suddenly make a lot of sense), but I’m so proud of how far I have come. It has been a long journey of self-reflection and development, building the confidence necessary to make it this far. And I want to encourage anyone who made it to the end of this blog to try and try again, even when you fail. Don’t allow your mistakes to run your life, and always, always try new things. You may surprise yourself with what you can achieve if you just persevere.

Okay, that’s it! Status update complete!! I’ll try to write more often as I get inspiration (I have a feeling that’ll happen more often when I feel like avoiding legal reading and writing).

God bless~